Matthew 18:15-17

15 If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.

17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

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I call this Matthew 18 rule though the whole chapter 18 discusses a wide range of topics. This is a good principle which I always keep in my mind and try to apply in all ways possible especially when I am offended by someone. I also share this when someone asks for help whenever a brother sins against them. I always try my best to put it into practice and truly, this brings good results and wisdom, too! Apparently, it does take a lot of courage! There are times when we would rather do nothing than talk to them because we are fearful of what might happen afterwards—change in relationship, gaps or walls may be built, etc. But instead of fear, may love towards that person govern our hearts. 

Now, let’s go into details. The verses above show that if a matter can be settled without getting others involved, that will keep rumors and misunderstandings from multiplying and will keep the conflict from spreading. As Proverbs 25:9 says, “Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another’s secret.” The ultimate objective is RESTORATION of the offending brother or sister to the path of discipleship. Matthew Henry wrote, “Let the reproof be private, between thee and him alone; that it may appear you seek not his reproach, but his repentance... It is a good rule, which should ordinarily be observed among Christians, not to speak of our brethren’s faults to others, till we have first spoken of them to themselves, this would make less reproaching and more reproving; that is, less sin committed, and more duty done. It will be likely to work upon an offender, when he sees his reprover concerned not only for his salvation, in telling him his fault, but for his reputation in telling him of it privately.”

Evidence of two or three witnesses follows the guideline in Deuteronomy 19:15 and refers to witnesses of the subsequent confrontation described in this verse, not necessarily eyewitnesses to the original offense. It is written in my study bible, “If the offending party will not repent after the matter has been brought before the entire church, then he or she is to be excluded from the fellowship and thought of as an unbeliever.” As I see it, and also just as how we do it in our church, one is put into disciplinary action or he/she will take a break from the ministry and settle things first—of course, depending on the severity of the act. 

Again from Matthew Henry, “Proceed in this method: First, "Go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone. Do not stay till he comes to thee, but go to him, as the physician visits the patient, and the shepherd goes after the lost sheep. Note, we should think no pains too much to take for the recovering of a sinner to repentance. Tell him his fault, remind him of what he has done, and of the evil of it, show him his abominations. Note, people are loth to see their faults, and have need to be told of them. Though the fact is plain, and the fault too, yet they must be put together with application. Great sins often amuse conscience, and for the present stupify and silence it; and there is need of help to awaken it.”

Love requires this kind of act, and this kind of act requires love. May we continue to bring and cause restoration, not division, for the glory of God alone!

Grace and Peace!